OMG
Why do I always go for the craziest girls?!
I really hope I can get out of this…
I hope I don’t hurt her…
I just wanted a friend, I didn’t expect things to turn this way.
Bloop
Beep
Bawp
ENNNGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
I miss you my best friend Nevada…
Always there for me.
I miss a lot of people also, I feel like I might have ruined a few peoples relationships with my jealousy.
Sometimes I feel like what other people have, I should have also… I feel like I should have what they, or one of them has instead of them.
I need to get relationships out of my mind.
As lonely as I am, I would only ruin any relationship I tried to be in.
Looking back at my relationships, I fuck everything up… And then I burn any bridges I could have had by being immature.
I can be so mature some times, I shock myself… And then minutes later do something extremely immature that I regret for years to come.
Blah…
Well I went to the gym today, for the first time since high school.
I felt great… Until I came home and ate a whole pizza to myself >_<
Sometimes when my mind wanders… I can’t tell whether I’m dead or not.
What if everything that happened after I OD’d never actually happened in the real physical world?
I can’t tell what I need to do… What is happening in my life?
Sometimes I like getting hurt, I like seeing my own blood.
It’s weird, when I can see my blood it actually hurts less…
It almost feels good. I feel like my mind is twisted.
I like knowing that I can bleed, it might all be my imagination that I am bleeding…
But for the moment it reassures me that I’m alive.
Fuck it… I need to take some drugs and forget about my life for a few hours, learn some new stuff.
I want to meet new people… I’m bored with my friends, they don’t stimulate my mind anymore.
AOEIFNWOEFNOAWDNON
Oh hai :]
Womppp womp womp womppp
Wobble wobble wobbleee
Thank you God for making life into music…
No matter what happens, anything can be turned into music.
It’s so beautiful!
Can’t wait to get things back on track.
Going on a nice ride on the boardwalk tomorrow, maybe go to the gym, hit up my lil mustache and googly eyes >_< muahahaha
Stop selling drugs… Hopefully for good.
Been about a week since I stopped smoking and I feel great.
I can smell again… I was skating through Santa Monica today, and I smelled the beach…
I was on like 26th street, and I could still smell it! Ha! Before I could hardly smell it like a block away lol.
I’m so happy for some people in my life who are making huge, amazing changes in their lives… Makes me so proud.
Even though I’m losing you guys for a little while, I know you will be back some time.
I’m willing to be patient for once, and let you guys grow.
Hopefully while you’re gone, I can make some changes of my own.
I’m scared to ask my brother for help… I feel like he really doesn’t care about me… I can’t remember the last time he made a promise and went through with it, but I need help and I don’t know who else to ask…
My sister finally hit me up, but I don’t even know what to say back to her… I feel like my anger and disappointment in them has clouded my mind. I don’t know how to communicate with them any more.
I hope some day I can have a good relationship with my family.
I’m embarrassed to call my own dad because I owe him $40 and can’t afford to pay him back… Even though my siblings owe him hundreds… I don’t want to be the person that asks for help, but I really need it right now.
I’m getting overwhelmed. I need to be more careful and attentive with who I trust.
RAWRRR happy happy joy joy!!!
I miss so many people in my life…
So many people that I can’t figure out how to bring back.
I know everything happens for a reason, but it hurts not having my friends in my life.
These people I love, I miss, I want you back.
I hate my emotions so much.
They drain me, pull on my soul, and push me.
I sit here tugging on my hair, trying to figure out what to do with myself.
I find it funny, I can hit people up daily, hang out with people constantly.
If I don’t hit people up after 2 days, they forget me.
Oh maybe a random thought of me, but no serious loss of time wondering about me.
My own family has stopped seriously communicating with me.
I feel like if I stopped talking to everyone, they would all forget I existed.
None of my friends honestly need me.
I really only want someone to need me, to want me to help them.
I want someone to want me, to need me.
I don’t see that in anyone around me.
I give up.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
I wish
I could tell people my life story without them judging me, or I suppose thinking less of me. I wish I had someone to take care of, I wish I had someone to take care of me. That doesn’t look like it’s going to happen for a long time though… Every time I tell people about my past, they seem to distance themselves… I’m so lonely
